Pain in my body.  White hot, searing and non-wavering.  I didn’t cry – I howled.  The animal inside ripped through my skin and became a wild beast.

The pain went down the back of my left leg – and my head exploded.

Along with the tears came frustration, anger, disbelief.

Sciatic -   Really?  It had been  5 years since I had cured myself of  15 years of chronic back pain.  Never during that time did it go into my leg.

When I cured myself of back pain so long ago, I then took on the task of retraining my mind.  It went something like this:

When I saw a large suitcase, I had to first recognize the fear that came up and change the thought that says, “Don’t lift that or you’ll pull out your back”, to one that says, “I can lift that without a problem occurring”.  It took about a year to finally not even think anything at all when lifting a suitcase.

And all it took was picking up a laundry basket for those fears and thoughts to flood back into my body.

“You’ve got to be kidding – Was I not done!”, my mind exclaims.

Ok, I tell myself, I can heal this.  I have helped to heal others of  “sciatic” pain.   In fact, it was only 2 days before, I led a session and my client came away pain free after months of chronic sciatic pain.

I can do this.  And as I laid on the floor writhing in pain, I knew I needed help.

Deal with the Pain first.  Bring it down so I can at least think straight.
~ Thank goodness for friends who are body-workers to help release some of the physical.

My ibuprofen bottle says 7 years expired.
~ Thank goodness for friends who bring me food, love, and drugs.

Sitting attacks my glut from where the pain emanates.
~ Thank goodness for a hard bed and soft pillows.

I want answers.  I know my body is calling out to me to PAY ATTENTION.  But to what?  What was I missing that all my Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy training in awareness had not already shown me?

And so the journey into the pain begins with a question,

“What’s Happening Now”?

Lying on my back I had lots of time to ponder,  “What is my body saying?  What language is it using? What does it know that I’ve hidden?”

While my 2 friends had worked on my body together, there was 1 thing that stood out through the pain – besides the howling and the amazing amount of tears -  I remember holding a hand – and that hand would not let go of me.

I started there in my body.  I could still feel myself gripping her hand – tears coming – and she was not going to let go.

Question: “What’s happening Now?”

Answer:  “Don’t leave me”.  I am by myself.”

I had collapsed in my home – no one was around as I live by myself with my son who was not due to be with me for a couple of days.  I had to figure out how to get to a phone and get my body in a position of some comfort.

The pain brought up the vulnerability of being alone.

And so I ask the next question, “Say more about being by yourself…”

With frustration came the answer, “Do I have to go over this again?  ok, ok, so I’m on my own and for the most part I really like this, but I am also ready for a relationship.   I am frustrated and confused and cannot fathom why it’s been so long since I have been in a relationship.  Is that what you want to hear?”

And the practitioner in me asks again, “What’s Happening Now?”

“I’m pissed – so angry,” and more, “This hurts – it really hurts.  I can’t move,  I can’t even walk”

“Say More…”

“It’s in my leg – I can’t take a step in any direction – the pain & resistance isn’t just in my leg – but now it’s back in my mind and my emotions.  Ugh, fear and frustration – and that anger.”

So the conversation had continued – and still the pain was not letting up.  There are no practitioners in my area that I could call on and I needed someone else to ask the questions and support my body.  I needed a witness.  Too many roles to be the client and practitioner when in pain.  I needed someone else to create a container so I could hear myself.

And in stepped another healer. A friend who had moved out of town called at just that right moment.   We had done trades in the past so we knew & honored the others work.

He said he’d been learning this thing called, “Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)” .  I knew a little bit about it and called it that ‘tapping’ thing.

I was willing to try anything but he couldn’t give me a session for 2 days.  So I went online and downloaded the free manual.  I figured, I’m a healer – I can do this. And I did by taking 30 minutes and learning the “Basic Recipe” for EFT.  (and yes, I do see the irony of being on my own..)

As I applied it to myself, in about 1 hour of following the routine, the pain decreased about 60% and I was finally able to sit up without shooting pain.

Here’s a video of the “Basic Recipe” routine that I used…

Pretty good – but it wouldn’t go any further.   So I waited the 2 days in high anticipation for my session.

My session started with an in-depth conversation about the issue – and some possible links to emotions and  past events that might have a connection to this.

I was totally receptive and open  as Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy, too, uses focused dialogue to get to the root of an issue.

What did I discover through the talking?  A lot – only I can’t tell you, because it includes things about my work with my clients.  < I did write it all down here for me – but then deleted for confidentiality purposes. >

What I can offer is a deep appreciation to my clients who help me recognize and work with myself.

Loaded with information on the emotional issues and events that led up to my pain,  my  friend led me through the EFT talking / tapping process.

Where PRYT works with the physical body postures to touch in & transform on the cellular level, EFT uses a process of tapping on the end points of certain energetic meridians that run through the body in order to recalibrate the emotional body system.  (I’m not an expert, but that’s my general understanding.)

And while I tapped at these different points, I was led through a list of repeated TRUE affirmations of  my emotional issues as I had stated previous during our initial talk.  With the confidential stuff taken out, it sounded something like this,

Starting with:

“Even with pain, I love and accept myself completely.”

(TAP TAP TAP…) “I am afraid because no one has my back”
(TAP TAP TAP…) I am angry at my body for being in pain”
(TAP TAP TAP…) “I am afraid that this pain will last for a very long time”
(TAP TAP TAP…) “Even if it does, I still love & accept myself completely”
(BIG SIGH – BREATH)
(TAP TAP TAP…) “I am responsible for my own body”
(TAP TAP TAP…) “My body is a rich resource of information.”
(TAP TAP TAP…) “I will pay attention to the minor irritations before they build to a point of pain”
(TAP TAP TAP…) “And even if I move into pain, I still accept myself completely”
(BIG SIGH – BREATH)
(TAP TAP TAP…) “Sometimes I am alone and I feel lonely.
(TAP TAP TAP…) “I no longer need to take on other’s pain as my own”
(TAP TAP TAP…) “I am strong and can create a strong boundary”
(TAP TAP TAP…) “And even if I take on pain, I still accept myself completely”
(BIG SIGH – BREATH)

And so the affirmations came at me from my practitioner as I tapped for an hour…

Here’s what I love about this process in EFT and one that is also a key component in PRYT…

Did you notice that those affirmations aren’t the airy-fairy, New-Agey kind?  The sickeningly sweet ones (that I can’t even say without choking or at the very least leave me feeling like I’m doing it all wrong),  those ‘positive’ affirmations which claim something so NOT what I am feeling like -  “I am Light, Love and Peace”.

These affirmations are TRUE.

“I AM IN PAIN!” -  RIGHT ON!

“I AM SCARED” – YES I AM!

Oh the relief,  to affirm and TOTALLY ACCEPT what is TRUE for me in this moment, in this pain, in my body, in my life.

Here’s the kicker -  if what I am affirming is TRUE – then they carry power – MY power.

Not the New Age tyrant that says, “You’re a YOGI you should be PEACE”, or the Feminist who claims, “You’re ON YOUR OWN – LOVE IT”, or even the religion that says, “BE LOVE”.

It’s not that I’m NEVER those things (love, light, peace) – it’s just that it’s NOT TRUE IN THIS MOMENT!

And when I get to what’s REALLY TRUE – only then, I can do something about them.

Only then can I accept what is ME.  Only then can I explore the choices around what is true.  Only then can I find Truth as it is in this moment.  And only then can I ACT within my Truth.

*****************

I am writing all this the next day after this session.  The pain is less, though not gone.  However I notice that my fear that the sciatic will be in my body a long time is no longer dominant.

On the contraire, I believe that the TRUTH of who I am will determine a complete healing  in the next couple of days.

And even if it doesn’t, (TAP, TAP, TAP)  “I still LOVE and ACCEPT myself completely”.

And, I affirm, too, that my body has many juicy things to still tell me.

“I will pay attention to the minor irritants in my body before the point of pain.”  (BIG SIGH – BREATHE.)

*******************

About 2 months after I wrote this article, I finally received a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy session which brought me to another level of healing – almost completely. View this video to get a glimpse of the process:

Go here for more about Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy sessions …

Go here for more about Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)…

Here’s a follow-up email about the pain techniques I used…

Soleil says:  “I hope you find something helpful in my process through my physical pain, however please recognize that this is just that – my process and not yours.

Feel free to comment below, however,  PLEASE  do not tell me what I should or should not have done, what other healing technique you think I should try, or think is best or better.

I know there are many ways to heal, but hearing other ways would be dishonorable to my experience.   I wrote this to support my healing and honor my body, my emotions, my mind – my process.  Thank you.

… a growing body of research supporting yoga’s mental health benefits, psychologists are weaving the practice into their work with clients.  Read more…

If  “regular” talk therapy is missing the connection between your Body and Mind, try Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy private sessions with Soleil.

Pema Chodron

This past month I had the honor of experiencing a full weekend with Buddhist teacher, author – (see her books) – and delightful speaker, Pema Chodron.  Here’s a couple of tidbits that I learned…

Bourgeois Suffering & Detox Period…

The audience was kept laughing  by this over-70 mother-turn-nun, often about those absurd life situations we all share.

For example, she’d refer to our, “Bourgeois Sufferings” – those moments when we feel that ‘ugh’ sensation come up.

Like when you walk onto a plane and find your in the middle seat between the talker and the fidgeter. (I’m usually the fideter.)

Or the other week I got stuck in 5pm traffic during the closure on I-90.  UGH!

And one that I find often – when my body is holding a difficult yoga posture and all I want to do is get out!

Pema says to use these relatively ‘easy’ sufferings as practice to stay with the experience. She called holding these edges as the “detox periods” – choosing to stay in the pain just as it is, rather than doing that which is habitual such as going into the usual anger, upset, or pull-away.

It is these daily edges that help us build inner muscle necessary in darker times.

We could be at least as wise as a well-trained dog…

Pema encouraged us in our urge of wanting something to be different then what it is, to be “at least as wise as a well-trained dog sitting with great anticipation as a treat rests on its nose“.  STAY! Simply wiggle and wait (that might mean breathe and pause) until given the ‘ok’.  Let yourself be fully open in the anticipation, simply ask,

“What’s Happening Now?’

So there I was last week, doing my yoga on the dock when I found myself “STAYING” in pigeon pose – lying face down – 1 leg bent under me, the other straight behind.

My belly was gurgling and growling and all I wanted to do was get out of it.  Not because I was in pain, I just wanted – OUT.  So I stayed & waited – remembering Pema’s suggestion – to stop in this ‘easy’ bourgeois suffering and see what happens.

Three  more breaths later, I was still like that dog waiting in anticipation -  wanting to pop out so I chose to wait another 3 breaths and yet another.  I stayed and finally asked myself, “What’s Happening Now?”

And then my belly started to talk.

In rolling waves of  sadness my belly spoke of the love for my son.  I had images of my 16 year old son moving out of the house and starting life on his own.  And discovered how much I was missing him!

And yes, even though he has 2 more years in high school, I was in anticipation of the leave ever since he ended his Sophomore year.

My belly was the recipient of the bittersweet anguish.

What would your body say if it knew you would stay & listen?

Our bodies talk all the time – when do you listen?

“What’s Happening Now?” It is this question that arises in my session as your supported in holding that posture that you want to just pop out of .  It’s  the one that isn’t really physically difficult, but you just ‘don’t like for some reason’.

Staying at the edge of ‘therapeutic discomfort’ (another Pema phrase) – you get to move through and discover what is truly  ‘gripping’ you.

What’s Happening Now?  Try a session today…

Click on any title to read more on Amazon

In short, he took the unemployement rate of 8% – doubled it for good measure – and suggested that if the 85% who are employed, were to intentionally help the 15% unemployed get a job, then we could end the recession.

When I read this I was caught by the simplicity and thoughtfulness and began to expand the suggestion to my web of body-workers, hair dressers, therapists, and others (including myself) who might be considered the “underemployed”.

These are your service providers who give so much of their time and energy and are  now struggling to make ends meet because clients, students, and organizations are in fear about spending money.

What can I do?

Feeling lonely can be bad for your health.  Current scientific findings tell us that a sense of loneliness or isolation, regardless of the size of our social networks, is not only a source of depression but that it actually changes our genes.”  ~Amy Weintraub, Yoga For Depression (Spring/Summer enewsletter)

In Yoga, there is a false notion of ‘separation’, called Avidya,  it literally means ignorance of who we truly are: whole and connected to all.  If we are truly connected, then “helping a friend (get more work)” creates a ripple effect – so that each one of us has the power to indeed, “end the recession”.

REFER at least 2 people each week

I suggest 2 referrals a week to any of your service providers – including, hair dressers, body-workers, and therapists.

My personal list of hand-picked referrals

If they’re on this list I love their work – and I love them.

(In Seattle unless otherwise indicated.)

1. (Curly Girl) Haircuts:  Beatrice Basnight  206.310.1316
2. Realtor (and fab dancer/yogini) Cat Gilliam: Cat@lakere.com
3. Magician extraordinaire: Steffan Soule – www.steffansoule.com
4. Legacy Life Coach/Speaker: Marcie Stern – www.vocalconsult.com (Chicago)
5. Interior Design & Space Therapy: Amy Woidke – www.EcokindDesign.com
6. Therapist (Seattle):  Karolyn McKinley – 206.788.7288
7. Therapist (Bellevue):  Linda Anson -425.454.5669
8. Body-work/Acupuncture: Ed Antkowiak – www.hibikimedia.com
9. Body& Movement Based Psychotherapist (GLBT) – Leif Tellmann www.stillnessandmovement.com
10. CranioSacral (amazing) – Ko Darlington 425.471.5479  or Maryann 425.890.0118
11. Emotional Body Healing, Tarot & Sacred Artist: Jody Levy – 206.714.3154
12. Spiritual Healer  – Colby Wilk – www.HealThroughSpirit.com
13. Web design & photography – Nitya – www.NityiaDesign.com
14. Songs for Healing – Kimber Godsey – 425.391.3190
15. Myofacial / somatic body-work: Leah 206.595.8055
16. Business Plan / Coach – Bryan Brewer  – 206.527.3168
17. Social Media – Leif Hansen – SparkSocialMedia.com
18. Etiquette Coach / Speaker: Mary Mitchell – www.themitchell.org
19. Musician for hire – Sam Eliason – 206.853.7929
20. Comedy & Characters – Frank Harlan – www.frankonline.com
21. Money, Marketing – Great  Tools!  Mark Silver, Heart of Business
22. Passion Catalyst Coach.  Curt Rosengren, Passioncatalyst.com
23. Please refer my work to individuals & organizations too:

Stress Management Programs, Coach,  Meditation,  private yoga therapy.

Write your own referrals (or link) as a comment!

In this modern, over-connected world, stress comes from everywhere – even technology.  How do you deal with it?

> My friend called to complain about the paper cut on her finger – annoying because it’s the one she uses to type on her laptop and send text messages.

> My son (16) didn’t want to go on an amazing trip to Guatamala with 40 other teens because it meant leaving his cell phone behind – no communication with his girlfriend for 2 weeks!

> Last week in yoga class my teacher was saying to us, “trash your old programs!” and “watch those mental pop-ups!”

> In the meantime, I’m crafting wickedly funny 140 character twitter posts (“tweets”) while in headstand – like this one: “Single mother crashes on her fanny in class with a loud bang.  No one laughed.“

Have we all gone techno-crazy?

I admit to having a real love-hate relationship with technology.  It started in the early ’80s when I left behind my career as a “Go-for-the-Burn” aerobics instructor (remember Jane Fonda in spandex?) and went back to school to work in the new field of high-tech learning to program (in COBOL) on IBM mainframes.

I was an awful programmer so fortunately my first ‘real’ job was as the PC admin for the San Francisco company, Esprit.  Now back in the early ’80s, there was no such thing as a ‘network’, and therefore, no way to connect PCs.  So EVERY morning I walked around to all the 200 PCs with a big floppy disk and uploaded a fresh copy of the customer database.  And this was considered ‘bleeding-edge’ technology!

It was when I got my own 286-AT, with 256K RAM- one of the fastest IBM PCs in 1985 – that my interest in  technology really took off.  And though I can’t remember what I used that machine for, I know the feeling was oh-so-cool!

It’s been 25 years working on and playing with technology, and during that time I’ve been giddy, frustrated, amused, befuddled, in pain, angry, scared, over-whelmed & under-whelmed with it all.  (Sounds like a relationship to me!)

What about you?

1. Do you open emails first thing on a sunny Sunday morning?
2. Do you craft tweets in your head while brushing your teeth?
3. Would you wait gleefully in a long line for the latest iphone?

(My answers:  1. yes;  2. sadly, often;  3. no, but my son would!)

seattlepi.com 4/09

What can you do?

There is good news. You can help yourself and take action to alleviate your stress symptoms. The first step is Awareness.

The truth is, stress comes from more than one source, so taking time to inventory what’s going on in our lives through any medium – even technology – can help clarify areas of stress.  Is your stress work-related? Financial? How are your relationships affecting your life? Family? Friends? Do you have a balance between work and play?

Once you find a bit of  Acceptance around what’s showing up as the stressors in your life, you begin to make considered choices around what you eat, how much you sleep, who you share your life with, the work you do, AND how much technology you might do TODAY.

Here’s my final 140 character ‘tweet’ about this post, “Tired Yogini takes a break from technology and walks in the rain.  Will she survive?”  Follow me on twitter…

NEXT Stress To Success Program
Unplug to Plug-in
Stress Relief for Technology Overload

This program supported me to slow down and focus.  Most importantly, the weekly themes & podcasts reminded me that if I want to make any significant change, then the responsibility for that is all mine.  I highly recommend Soleil to facilitate unique ways to enhance group effectiveness and remind us that we are the leaders of our own life.”
– Dave Schapell, CEO TeachStreet.com

Want to work at your own pace in private?
Choose Private Yoga Therapy and/or Coaching

Logic + Emotion = A Perfect Match

Emotion + Logic = The Perfect Match
Spock stands solid & knowing.  His logical mind and raised eyebrow won the heart of our left brain.

Captain Kirk stands open and expectant.  His ‘big picture’ view and comical way won the heart of our right brain.

Spock & Kirk, Star Trek’s dynamic duo ran a tight ship;  reflective of our own left and right brain – a Perfect Match running our own tight ship.

What’s the difference between the Left and Right Brain?

Discern what happens for you (mind, body, emotions) when you watch these 2 (amazing) videos.

Left Brain video:  “Did You Know?”

Right Brain Video:  Pilobolus’ “Symbiosis”

Overly Left Brain Today?   Try a Right Brain Activity

1) Day Dream about nothing in particular
2) Move your body freely until you’re done
3) Watch the Right brain video again!
4) Do a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy Session w/ Soleil

Podcast to balance your Left Brain:  20 second Awareness Break

Overly Right Brain Today?   Try a Left Brain Activity

1) Make a to-do list for just today
2) Write, edit and send an important email
3) Watch the Left brain video again!
4)  Do 1 coach call w/ Soleil to find your next steps

Podcast to balance your Right Brain: Centering & Intention

Soleil Recommends reading:  “A Stroke of Insight”

For more about how our left/right brain works.

Receive these eNewsletters in your inbox..

NEXT Stress To Success Program
Unplug to Plug-in
Stress Relief for Technology Overload

This program supported me to slow down and focus.  Most importantly, the weekly themes & podcasts reminded me that if I want to make any significant change, then the responsibility for that is all mine.  I highly recommend Soleil to facilitate unique ways to enhance group effectiveness and remind us that we are the leaders of our own life.”
– Dave Schapell, CEO TeachStreet.com

Want to work at your own pace in private?
Choose Private Yoga Therapy and/or Coaching

Each piece of a site is a puzzle.  And though much of this site is words, the idea for the main image was one that I had lying dormant for years – ever since I saw my first Andrew Goldsworthy book filled with his “land art”.

“When I’m working with materials it’s not just the leaf or the stone, it’s the processes that are behind them that are important.”  -Andy Goldsworthy  

Andy only uses materials found in mother nature in his work.  In the image I chose, nearly every color hue in the rainbow, from warm to cool, can be found in line of leaves held together by thin thorns.  

It’s all about the PROCESS

As you watch the video (and do go on to watch part 2), pay attention to the PROCESS of his work.  It is filled with stressful starts & stops, mistakes and focus.  A true mindful meditation that has no goal but to be with what is.  Structures appear in a moment – and may disappear just as quickly.

Stress To Success – Mindful Meditation

So too, you will work through the Stress to Success program.  Moving through the THEMES of the program you will uncover this process of creation:  AWARENESS (both inward & outward),  to CHOICE (of location), DISCERNMENT (in materials), SELF IN RELATIONSHIP (to nature), TRUTH IN ACTION (each step taken decisively), and Being in the FLOW (the end of creation moves to create another).

Start the program today and turn your Stress to Flow with all the colors in life.

It was in this moment that my 18 years of working in High Tech aligned with my chosen newer field of Yoga Therapy.

Today, 4 years later, was a brilliant day – clear and crisp with a touch of white snow.  The brilliance of the day outside reflected the same clarity & crispness within myself as I designed, created and wrote much of this site in ONE day.

As I look back on the day, I ask myself, “How did this creation happen – and with such EASE?  My answer was obvious – “Technology is Consciousness Externalized”.  Read more from the book:

There can be no invention in business or technology without human Consciousness. What is Consciousness?
… presence or alertness – the awareness of awareness, the willingness to observe without attachment, the gleam of Spirit that animates humanity.
When an engineering whiz is patiently contemplating a complex problem, submerged for hours on end, he or she is living in the NOW, dwelling in the realm of consciousness.  Consciousness, the prime ingredient in creativity, represents a higher intelligence than the mind.  When consciousness guides our mental facilities, the result can be brilliant.”

And so, I have here the brilliance that came with Consciousness which guided my mind & body to create this site – in just 1 day!

**************************

For those considering The Stress to Success 8 week Program, or working with me as a Mind-Body Coach, or taking Private Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy sessions,  please let me know how this site might support you in finding “the genius inherent in human consciousness” for indeed it is the key to moving from Stress to Success!

NEXT Stress To Success Program
Unplug to Plug-in
Stress Relief for Technology Overload

This program supported me to slow down and focus.  Most importantly, the weekly themes & podcasts reminded me that if I want to make any significant change, then the responsibility for that is all mine.  I highly recommend Soleil to facilitate unique ways to enhance group effectiveness and remind us that we are the leaders of our own life.”
– Dave Schapell, CEO TeachStreet.com

Want to work at your own pace in private?
Choose Private Yoga Therapy and/or Coaching